For the past three and a half months I have been battling a monster that has been raging inside of me and seemingly having it's way with my body.  It has no name, I don't know where it came from, and so far, there is nothing that seems to be able to destroy it.  It is sneaky and cruel, sometimes almost disappearing and then, when I least expect it, it rears it's ugly head and knocks me off of my feet leaving me broken and breathless.  I have been to doctor after doctor and had test after test to no avail.  There have been days where simply breathing seems more than I can handle and the thought of getting out of bed to do laundry, cook, clean, and juggle the needs of 2 little boys is simply too daunting to overcome.  I am continually asking myself how a seemingly healthy and health conscious 33 year old women with lots of energy, who was working out 6 days a week and loving it (thanks to p90x which I highly recommend by the way), has been reduced to this hunched and withered bag of bones that I see when I look in the mirror, who can barely get out of bed some days, who cries at the drop of a hat.  I am continually asking but I still have no answer.  And not having an answer is perhaps worse than the illness itself.

     My friends and family have been very faithful, babysitting us when needed, bringing food, putting up with middle of the night phone calls because I thought I was going to die, encouraging me, and the list goes on and on.  What they did for me last week, however, tops it all.  In a small room my husband and a few of my close friends gathered together to take part in a ceremony that goes back to biblical times.  There is nothing mystical or magical about it.  It is very simple really.  It is about a community of believers coming together, it is about praying for healing and peace, it is about believing that God will do something powerful.  We started by singing a few songs then moved on to reading some bible verses about petitions and faith.  Then, each of my friends prayed for me and placed a drop of oil on my forehead with their fingertips.  They anointed me.   To anoint means simply "to put oil on in a ceremony of consecration."  The oil is not a magic potion but is a symbol of God's blessing, protection, and empowerment.  It was used in old testament biblical times to consecrate kings and prophets and then in the new testament James asks, "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven" (Jas. 5:14–15).  I admit, I was hesitant to do this at first.  I did not really understand the purpose of it and did not want to get my hopes up for a miraculous healing only to be disappointed...again.  But as my friends gently touched my forehead with their fingers I could sense something powerful happening.  I was being given a gift, hope.   As we came to the end I realized that I could breath easy for the first time in days.  I don't know if it was because my breathing was really better or because a weight had been lifted off of my chest but it felt good.  It felt like a promise.  It felt like freedom.  Isn't that what God wants to give us all?

      I don' know what the coming days will bring.  I don't know if I will be able to do my grocery shopping, wash my clothes, or sort my kids winter and spring clothes that I've been meaning to do for months now, but I will cling more tightly to the gift that I was given.  Will there be more dark times?  I'm sure of it.  You can't live on this earth and there not be.  But I hope that I can remember this time of peace and the freedom that came with it and know that whether everything is going splendidly or life just really sucks God is still the God of hope and He wants to give good gifts to all of His children.  We just have to remember that His most wonderful and perfect gift to us is literally, out of this world.

If you have been struggling with a chronic or recurring illness feel free to share.  Maybe by sharing we can support one another.