Recently Adam and I have been thinking about relationships, about how we can share what we've learned in order to start the gears turning in the minds of the younger community members. Our goal is not to be in your face, but to provide points to ponder. That said, we wanted to open this dialogue of ours to include all of you. What have you married members and readers learned through your interaction (be it dating or courtship or whatever philosophy you adhere to) with the opposite sex that could help to smooth the road of someone who hasn't tied the knot? You older singles who hope to marry someday, how do you use this time of your life to its fullest while not giving up on your desire? There are a million ways to answer these questions as well as a million more questions that could benefit from answers. Of course, I am assuming the responses that you post will reflect your struggle to follow God's will in this issue. No matter what relationship philosophy you have, that is the ultimate goal.
Relationships 101
Just to get the conversation rolling...here's a few things that I've learned.
- Make choices for your future.
This is a concept that just came clear to me recently. In our relationships we must keep the future ever present in our minds. If we keep a picture in our hearts of a happy, lasting marriage (which is possible by the way, despite what you’ve seen), it will affect the relationship choices we make. For me, that meant not getting into the break-up cycle. I didn’t want to get used to pain, a non-committal attitude and failure. It also meant being very careful with physical contact. Who wants to have awkward memories of former boyfriends/girlfriends when you’re married to someone else?
- Make critical decisions before they have to be made.
It’s a whole lot easier to decide now what your standards will be on dating and physical contact then later on. Get the body going and there’s no telling where you’ll end up…unless you already know.
- Don’t rush.
My academy Bible teacher taught me that your personality/character is not fully developed until you are around 25 years old. As for me, I know that I did a lot of changing during my college years. During those years, you are hit with so many new ideas and lifestyles, and you finally have the freedom to choose a different one then you may have been living before. Some people get married only to realize too late that the person they married isn’t who they thought they were. Get to know who you are, realize that it might change over time and don’t rush into a serious relationship until you know yourself well.
- Don’t let your past hound you.
Let’s face it, not very many people have seen the best examples of divine relationships within their families. There is a lot of pain there. Thus, we have received a lot of residual pain. I know that I deal everyday with many wrong ideas I got about how a relationship should or should not work. But it’s important to learn that these ideas are wrong and seek ways of elevating the truth in our minds and hearts. Although it’s not easy, I do believe that it is possible for God to change our normal into His normal. So, be open to change.
Wow... What a huge topic. Going by your title, perhaps a syllabus should be prepared -- we could create a whole forum section. 
Probably the biggest bumpy thing I learned from my finding-a-spouse-and-getting-married process was that simply deciding what your boundaries are and how you are going to handle things before hand is not enough -- you MUST fortify yourself.
I think this is really, in a sense, a type of the struggle that we will go through in the last days. We can tell ourselves that we will be faithful to God and believe it, but we MUST also prepare ourselves. (Remember the story of the ten virgins?) The preperation for both is similar. Here are some things I think helped and/or would have helped me:
- Recognize the REALITY of human weakness -- my/your human weakness. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can handle it alone.
- Practice denying yourself. A great way to do this is fasting. If we are used to taking all we want, then when there is something we want that we shouldn't have, not taking it will be foreign. DON'T LET IT BE FOREIGN!!!
- Talk to married people who are candid and are willing to share their personal experience. People don't like to talk about their mistakes. This leads some to assume that purity is easy. IT IS NOT. It requires decided and purposeful effort.
- Be accountable to someone who is not going through the same struggle but has gone through it and holds high standards of purity. Find someone that will ask the embarasing questions and with whom you can be honest.
Again, these pointers are important for any point in the Christian life. Start practicing them NOW!
It is interesting to me that these "struggles" that we need to prepare for in turn become the preparation for greater struggles. I for one am glad that our uncomfortable and difficult experiences have a purpose.
Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! There is a reason for all this pain and suffering!